lately i’ve been working on french grammar, but i also have been reading some french and russian books to prepare myself for my master thesis, and i started today to read and take notes on some papers about different subjects, more or less related to my research. i’m glad the subject i chose is this interesting, but as the school year is approaching i’m kinda reconsidering it — i don’t know if i’ll have enough books to work on, or if i should expand it to the 20th century (i’m on the 19th) or to countries other than france and russia. i’ll probably make a video in french about what i have planned for my master thesis, but i just wanted to update you about my current “struggles”. i chose a very specific subject, which is why it’s kind of hard to find books matching it, and thus hard to prepare. but i’m not giving up and i still have a looot of books to read!
« sur la face mobile des eaux chancelait ma pensée.
Le malaise des flots dont toute la chair se souvient. Accrocherai-je une pensée à cette hune vacillante ? pensai-je. Lames, ne verrai-je que l’eau s’éparpiller au vent du soir ? Je sème mon amour sur la vague; ma pensée sur la stérile plaine des flots. Mon amour plonge dans les flots qui se suivent et se ressemblent. Ils passent et l’œil ne les reconnaît plus. — Mer informe et toujours agitée; loin des hommes, tes flots se taisent; rien ne s’oppose à leur fluidité; mais nul ne peut entendre leur silence; sur la plus frêle chaloupe, déjà se heurtent-ils, et leur bruit nous fait croire que la tempête est bruyante. Les grandes vagues avancent et se succèdent sans aucun bruit. Elles se suivent, et chacune soulève à son tour la même goutte d’eau, sans presque la déplacer. Seule leur forme se promène; l’eau se prête, et les quitte, et ne les accompagne jamais. Toute forme ne prend que pour bien peu d’instants le même être; à travers chacun, elle continue, puis le laisse. Mon âme! ne t’attaches à aucune pensée. Jette chaque pensée au vent du large qui te l’enlève; tu ne la porteras jamais toi-même jusqu’aux cieux.
Mobilité des flots, c’est vous qui fîtes si chancelante ma pensée! Tu ne bâtiras rien sur la vague. Elle s’échappe sous chaque poids. »
— andré gide, les nourritures terrestres (1897)
“Part of the problem is words. The fact that there are separate words for ‘he’ and ‘she’, ‘him’ and ‘her’. I’ve never thought about it before, how divisive this is. Like maybe if there was just one pronoun for all of us, we wouldn’t get so caught up on that difference.” — another day, david levithan
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i finished reading Another Day just this morning. even though i preferred the first book (Everyday), this one brought something new to the story by giving us Rhiannon’s point of view. this quote about how arbitrary dividing us between two genders is harmful seems very important to me ; because transphobia wouldn’t be a thing if we thought of ourselves as “a-gender”. after years and years of living with social norms, we forgot how much gender is, in fact, a social construct, and a destructive one at that. gender stereotypes bring discrimination and sexism, gender binarity brings some people to feel like outcasts, not being part of one or the other gender. what hurts me the most is to see how strong these stereotypes still are, and how much pain they cause, every single day.
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posting this with a picture of gaga feels right, because she has been a huge part of my adolescence, she helped me grow up far from hurtful stereotypes, and she helped me understand how valuable i am, but also how differences shouldn’t matter — ‘born this way’ was, and still is, a powerful song. im obviously not saying this to erase our differences — because we are different, and we all have to bear with different realities. we can’t fight sexism, lgbtphobia, racism, validism, classism or even specism by ignoring these differences : we have to acknowledge them and build our defense with and around them. ignoring difference is a privilege, because it means you don’t feel in danger of being discriminated against because of your skin color, gender, sexuality or religion.
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i was kind of caught up in this photo description but, well, let’s go with it. i wanted to post this picture of lady gaga because she’s one of my biggest inspirations (i often call her my second mom lmao), but also because she looks like she’s about to ace every test WHILE serving l o o k s.
so i finally got back to studying! after a little break, i decided to pick up french grammar again, because i simply was missing studying and learning new things. i also want to be prepared for the year incoming, even though most of my time is taken by my moving out. i’m currently reading Another Day, the sequel of Everyday (a book i loved very much) — it’s not great, and i preferred the first one, but i feel comfortable in this story. i still want to finish it quickly, because i want (and need) to continue reading for my master thesis. i’ll probably make some videos about it, but they’ll be in french because i find it simpler to explain complex literary subjects. nevertheless, if you want me too, i can still prepare some literature videos in english, because i miss analyzing books in english — i used to have an english literature class back when i was in preparatory course, but since i got into university, i only have one language course, where we don’t talk very precisely about literary devices or movements.
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let me know about your summer studying and/or reads!
yesterday i discovered (thanks to my mom) the c u t e s t little book-cafe in aix-en-provence, france. it’s an english library with books, not only in english, but also in italian (i obviously bought one), in russian, chinese, arab, japanese and so on, from textbooks to fiction and non-fiction. it’s a great place to study with a tea or a coffee, and to expand our knowledge of the different languages in our world 🌎 i totally loved it and will make sure i spend some time there!
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also, i finished reading Dead Souls this morning, and plan on reading Another Day by David Levithan before getting back to some russian 19th-century novel — it will be a fast read, and hopefully a great one (i loved Everyday).
i am currently reading and have almost finished Dead Souls by russian author Gogol, and it’s a masterpiece, even if it was left unfinished. his themes and metaphors remind me of Zola, one of my fav french authors, and i can’t help but think that Gogol had a huge knowledge of french literature, especially of french romantism and realism. i’m also glad i picked this book because i found something for my master thesis, and this always feels kinda great 💁🏼♀️ i haven’t been studying at all in august because i honestly need rest, and anyways i have to focus on reading to be able to work for my dissertation! but i’m trying to be a lil more active here, hope you’re enjoying it ✨🌸
moving out when you’re a bookworm is the w o r s t ; you’ve been thinking all this time that you’re a minimalist and then you realize owning more than 300 books is a LOT — plus, deorganizing your bookshelves... it hurts... (also, this was taken in my childhood bedroom — you’ll notice the obsession with giraffes : i also have giraffe curtains and bed sheets #aesthetic). 📚
i moved out yesterday of the place i lived in for three years straight, and now i can’t wait to move in my new apartment. i’m finally going to live in my favorite place in france (in the south, because what else?) AND with my cat whom i missed so so much these past years!! what i love the most about all this is that i’ll be able to decorate my home as i want to, but also i won’t be leaving with a meat-eater, which was a real struggle — having to stay in my closed room instead of cooking because the kitchen was full of the smell of dead flesh cooking. i know living alone isn’t as great as we may think it is, but i can’t wait to experience it for myself and be able to, finally, have my own space and be free to do whatever i want, when i want to.
« Au-dessus de cette tombe, toutes les nuits, son âme virevolte en compagnie du souvenir, reprenant avec les fantômes de la solitude les lamentations funèbres plaintives et désespérées, pleurant avec les branches une jeune femme qui hier encore était une mélodie pathétique entre les lèvres de la vie et qui aujourd’hui est devenue un mystère à jamais silencieux au sein de la terre. » — khalil gibran, les ailes brisées
